Frequently there are comments and emails left on Full Figure Plus that are not related to the subject of the blog post. Most never see the light of day but a few catch my attention in such a way that I feel it is a must to share them with you guys. One of those issues is guys that date women just because they are fat and feel that if you are not a magical number then they will not be attracted to you. Below is a letter from a young lady who is dealing with such and issue and needs your help.
Hello Mr. Johnson,
Well, I always been chubby , I am 5 foot tall. I met my boyfriend on the website for Big Woman for about 2 and a half years ago. I didn’t notice that the website was for really Big and Beautiful Woman, over 165 lbs. Anyway, he contacted me and we met. He saw the way I was at the time (130 lbs) and of course I wasn’t that” big and beautiful” of his preference and he decided not to see me anymore. For some reason he thought I was special and he contacted me again the next day and we start to know each other more.
Everything was fine and I was happy, something in me was telling me that he is the one! We came from a divorce so we know that pain. I felt comfortable with him because I don’t have to worry about being call names because of my weight. I am usually losing and gaining weight. After a few months of dating he made a comment about his preferences of chubby or big women. He suggest that if I gain a few pounds it will make him very happy. I said to him that I will do what I can because I have High Blood Pressure. He understood (I thought) but I really didn’t want to gain more weight because of my health. Sometimes I think this is something physiological or maybe its normal but I never met anybody with this issues. I wish I could help him but I am afraid for my health. Two days ago I told him that because I love him so much I let him be free so he could move on and find a woman of his preference and be completely happy. He didn’t want to let me go but I insisted so much that I believe he agree. I haven’t heard from him since and I can’t see my life with out him either. I really love him. I don’t know if I did the right thing. The most sad part is that we spoke about having a family together. I don’t know what to do. Please I need your help! 
In two years I have gained 20 lbs but it seems like it’s not enough for him. We had argued before about this issue and maybe is my fault because I showed him some pictures of me when I was size 16 and now I am size 12 to 14. When I was married I was heavier. The problem is we don’t see each other often because of our jobs and crazy hours that we work, we don’t experience intimacy like a regular couple. The first time we tried he couldn’t perform because I am not as big as he would like me to be and that really hurts me. The second time we tried , we couldn’t do too much because of the same issue. This is really sad because there is love in our relationship but as I said we don’t have intimacy at all. I am 39 years old and my boyfriend is 41. We should be happy. I really don’t know what to do. He wishes I should weight a least 155 lbs -160 lbs so he would be able to perform and make me happy.
Sincerely,
Butterfly
There you have it folks you have a man who would prefer a women to weigh 160 pounds in order to be intimate with her. Before you laugh her out the park and say 160 is not plus size think about we are talking about another part of the world where perceptions are different. I personally think the problem is with him but thats were you come in what do you think the issue is?
I agree with you Glen. As much as we (women) would like to please the men in our lives, gaining weight (especially if you’re healthy) is not something that is worth compromising. Losing weight isn’t either. It would be different if he was concerned for her health but this is not the case. This sounds like it’s just his preference. Heck! all of us have a preference but that doesn’t mean that we can’t recognize the beauty in things or people that are not our preference. As long as this woman is happy with herself and she is committed to their relationship, his issues with her weight need to be tossed out the window.
Well Glen you know I went out with such a man who said my size 24 frame was not large enough and since that first date I have actually lost about 10-15 lbs. So he often says I would be his perfect woman if I would stop exercising and trying to eat right. Now I have explained to this buffoon, much like the woman in the email, I’m doing this to be healthy. This coming from a man who stays in the gym and who lost his plus-size mother to diabetes at a young age. He should know better! Needless to say I only went out with this nut once and attempted no form of a relationship with him because I recognized he has issues. So, to this woman in the email, I say ……………RUN!! AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
People like that you can never make happy, and the most important thing is for her to be happy! I will not loose weight for a man and def. will not gain any either! Let him go find his perfect woman!
First off, 160lbs, isnt considered plus size. Now with that said, I must agree, the issue isnt with Butterfly, its with her boyfriend. First off, if she is truly happy with herself, she shouldnt have to change for anyone. That’s just a control issue with her boyfriend. Secondly, him not being able to perform with her, maybe just an excuse, he uses, for his lack of being able to perform period….I’ll make her think, she’s the problem….when in fact, he may have been dealing with this problem long before they started dating.
Now if in fact, he can only perform with plus size women, why even bother dating women that dont fall into that category? I say, save yourself and the other person unnecessary grief…its not worth the headaches or heartaches. Choose your preference in another wisely, and NEVER alter yourself physically to please another…LOVE WHO YOU ARE!
You know, it’s really sad the “Butterfly” doesn’t seem to see the value in herself and see this guy for who he is… a over-demanding jerk. She should be glad he’s outta her life, not mourning his leaving.
Yes, I get that it’s good to mix things up and aiming to please your man is a good thing at times. But there’s a difference between putting on some sexy lingerie or trying a new position and endangering your health and giving up your self-esteem…. if he were asking her to lose weight b/c it’s what he preferred, she’d have alarms blazing and red flags would be waving for her to leave this man alone b/c he’s not worthy of her time. Well, this situation is just the opposite side of the same coin… he consistently pressured her to endanger her health to suit his carnal preferences.
Bottom line: you either accept someone as they are – small, big, tall, short, brown, black, white or striped. If you can’t get over someone’s inability to fit in the mold you want to cling to, then get the steppin.’
I’m sure sorry that Butterfly wasted two years with this guy… but the loss she should be lamenting isn’t his “love” but the love she had for herself. She’s obviously internalized a lot of inadequacy issues for not being fat enough for him. She should be working on getting it back or getting it in the first place (methinks she may not have had it).